RUSH LIMBAUGH AND OTHER TURDS IT NEVER FUCKIN' ENDS!!! Ho hum, nothing to see here… it's just another one of those watery Old Boy suicides that happen every once in a while. What is it about Washington GOP insiders like Philip Merrill that compels them to take to the water, then take their own lives? Perhaps the most famous military-industrial-intelligence-complex figure to pull an Ophelia was former CIA chief William Colby, who abandoned a half-cooked dinner to take a one-way canoe trip to Nowheresville, back in 1996. Prior to that, there was CIA/Watergate and JFK-assassination figure John Paisley, whose manner of death was almost a mirror duplicate of Merrill's. Both men took solo sailboat rides on Chesapeake Bay, tied anchors around their ankles, stood on the edge of their vessels, put both barrels of a shotgun into their mouths, then simultaneously blew their own heads off whilst deftly tipping themselves into the briny deep. Quite the pair of finishing flourishes, separated by nearly three decades, and yet still somehow connected via both men's nebulous dealings with the shadowy shenanigans of the Bush Crime Family. Merrill, for instance, was awarded the Medal for Distinguished Service by the Defense Department back in 1988. He also served as a high-ranking NATO appointee and, despite amassing an impressive personal fortune in the private sector, was known to take on sensitive diplomatic and intelligence assignments from time to time. In other words, he seems to have been the kind of guy who played hard ball, at a high level, for a long time. And look where it got him: the cold, dark bottom of Chesapeake Bay. On first viewing, PBS's Frontline documentary on creepy veepy Dick Cheney's battle for the "soul" of the nation's intelligence-gathering apparat -- aptly and ominously entitled The Dark Side -- seems like a slick, Establishment retelling of the Official Narrative, with more than a slight hint of rationalization when it comes to some of the more egregious decisions made during the chaotic aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. On second and third viewings, however, a more esoteric -- dare I say Straussian -- reading-between-the-lines yeilds dark hints and disturbing implications. Subtle insinuation is probably the best we can hope for from a documentary funded in large part by petro-mafia dollars. Anyhoo, you can currently watch the entire episode online at the PBS website. Watch and let me know if you think I'm nuts or not. Okay, so this latest Limbaugh thing, with the three-hour airport detention for a bottle of improperly-prescribed Viagra... it seems to yer old pal Jerky that the correct and proper reaction to such a news bulletin is a hale and hearty "WHO GIVES A FUCK?!" Wretched fascists need love, too, after all. On the other hand, there is the question of why an unattached, sexually repellant man would be spending time in one of the world's premiere gay and child prostitution hot spots, with a pocket full of boner pills, no less. Just asking. Wannabe terrorists The Miami 7 aren't exactly as advertized, according to Jon Stewart... and the facts. More on this, in depth, in tomorrow's Dirt. *** ***** *** DIVERSIONS AND DISTRACTIONS Some of the best cartoons ever made have been relegated to history's ashbin, just because they happened to contain ridiculously racist caricatures of Blacks, Asians, Latinos and other racial minorities. Thank Godzilla the racist bastards at Offensive Cartoons are doing their damnedest to resurrect these politically incorrect delights. TwinkiesTM... they aren't just for breakfast anymore! If this new book full of recipes for TwinkieTM lasagna and TwinkieTM thermidor don't get you drooling all over your cretin bib... then count your lucky stars, because THEY haven't fully assimilated you yet. Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY June 23 On this day in 1970, one-hit-wonder Chubby Checker is arrested for possession of marijuana. Twisting ensues. On this day in 1990, a rally to save the television series Alien Nation from cancellation is held at the feet of the Statue of Liberty, providing more proof that America urgently needs to implement a harsh eugenics program, or else we're all doomed. And, YES, it's gotten worse since then. A lot worse. On this day in 1993, Lorena Gallo Bobbitt slices off the top of hubby John Wayne's cock and tosses it into an empty field. Late-night talk show hosts are only now allowing us to forget this sordid bit of sorry trivia. On this day in the year 1990, the editors at TV Guide magazine really knock one out of the park when they select Arsenio Hall as Television Personality of the Year! Today, sixteen years later, the late-night foot-note considers it a blessing when he scores a commercial gig shilling 10-10-666-90210-Collect long distance cards to the unwashed masses. June 24 On this day in 1717, the first Freemason lodge is founded in London. The widow's son gets no mercy. On this day in the year 1963, the first ever videotape recorder is demonstrated before a rapt audience at BBC Studios in London... and thus, the first, tentative steps in the Great Pornpgraphy Revolution are taken. HAPPY SAINT JEAN BAPTISTE DAY to all my fellow Franco-heritage-sharing Daily Dirt readers! Take it from yer old pal Jerky, you haven't lived until you've partied by a gigantic bon-fire with fifty-thousand drunken French Canadians on the Plains of Abraham while prostitutes ply their trade in plain site and acid-tripping "Raellian" freakazoids off themselves by diving head-first into the flames! TABARNAC!!! On this day in 1997, at a United Nations Earth Summit, the leaders of various island nations describe an apocalyptic scenario of flooded islands and submerged cities unless swift action is taken to curb Global Warming. Good thing we got right on that! June 25 On this day in 1630, Governor Winthrop (don't ask me what he's governor of) introduces the fork to America's dinner tables. Previously, of course, all Americans -- including natives -- ate with knives, chop-sticks and cat-ribs. On this day in 1876, General George Custer and 263 members of his 7th Cavalry are totally wiped out by the combined forces of the Sioux and Cheyenne tribes at Little Bighorn, inspiring the second worst novelty song of all time, #1 hit Mr. Custer by Larry Verne (Era Records, 1960). On this day in 1798, the then-Federalist USG passes the first part of the so-called Alien and Sedition Acts. Read this article to see how many disturbing modern-day parallels you can spot. On this day in 1993, after more than eleven years on the air in the 12:30 slot, David Letterman hosts his final episode of Late Night on NBC. Afterwards, the lead-footed racing fan goes on to produce The Late Show for CBS, which airs opposite NBC's late-night flagship, The Tonight Show, where Jay Leno was awarded hosting duties after Johnny Carson's three-year farewell. This is the unforgivable snub that prompted Letterman's departure in the first place. If your young adulthood was anything like yer old pal Jerky's, the realization that Letterman has now been on CBS for longer than his entire run on NBC is cause for pants shitting terror. It really underscores how time flies faster and faster as your clock of life ticks its way towards its inevitable discombobulation.

THEY SAID IT! "It wasn't unusual for a hippie commune to have a smiling, peace-and-love front man out on the porch, while real control of the operation lay with the surly, violent, sociopath who skulked in a dank, fetid, windowless room in the back. That's the template for this White House: Dick Cheney is Charles Manson, George Bush is Cheney's Bobby Beausoleil." - Blogger Johnathan Larsen has figured it out... Bush and Cheney aren't really conservatives... they're Evil Hippies!!! *** **** *** "See, if I'm President, I got probably another 50-60 thousand with orders to shoot on sight anybody violating curfews. Shoot them on sight. That's me... President O'Reilly. Curfew in Ramadi, seven o'clock at night. You're on the street? You're dead. I shoot you right between the eyes. Ok? That's how I run that country. Just like Saddam ran it. Saddam didn't have explosions... he didn't have bombers. Did he?" - I realize that running Bill O'Reilley quotes is a lot like running Ann Coulter quotes in that neither of those instigator-idiots ever says anything worth hearing, but this particular blathering seemed too bitterly ironic to just let slide by.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Dave on Dope! A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'" *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal George for sending in today's second joke. I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 86?" He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things." He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Then, why do you care?" WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Greg... Q: How do you kill a retard? A: Give him a knife and ask him who is special.

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: A NEW WAY TO STEAL A CAR care of: N8Possibilities Dear Jerky; Here is info worth the price of your car WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT? Seems that car thieves have found yet another way to steal your car or truck without any effort at all. The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN # from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a duplicate key based on the VIN #. My friend didn't believe this e-mail, so she called a dealer and pretended she had lost her keys. They told her to just bring in the VIN #, and they would cut her one on the spot, and she could order the keyless device if she wanted. The Car Dealer's Parts Department will make a duplicate key from the VIN #, and collect payment from the thief who will return to your car. He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself. All he has to do is walk up to your car, insert the key and off he goes to a local Chop Shop with your vehicle. You don't believe it? It IS that easy. To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape (electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN Metal Label located on the dash board. By law, you cannot remove the VIN #, but you can cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief. I urge you to for ward this to your friends before some other car thief steals another car or truck. Slip a 3 x 5 card over the VIN NUMBER. IF YOU DON'T DRIVE, PASS THIS INFORMATION ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS! - N8Possibilities [Something tells me I'll be reading a Snopes debunking in the very near future. - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! MOPJ, Couldn't remember if it was you that has been tossing this idea around, but I thought you might find it interesting even if it wasn't. I particularly enjoyed the quote towards the bottom of the article about preventing more bloodshed "for the liberty of all Iraqis." Ahh, the delicious irony of that statement. It's sad, really, when the deposed dictator of a nation that (for the most part) despises him for decades of torture, rape, genocide, and other actions designed to make people generally unhappy, considers himself to be better at this whole running a country thing than the entire might and power of the United States. The worst part of it is that he actually makes sense, on a certain level. Cheers, Argent [Hey, Bill O'Reilley thinks it's a good idea! - Jerky] *** **** *** MOPJ, I am growing more despondent with each passing day. When you have your judge in place to make sure everything goes according to plan, I suppose you don't lose a whole lot of sleep. On the other hand, it does create quite a nightmare for the rest of us. YOP, Bob [Yuppers. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; re: those Miami and Toronto busts, it looks like they took the whole playbook from the DEA. It will get worse. Just saying you would like to do it will be enough for a conspiracy with the new laws. This will play a lot better in an election year than those phony orange alerts from Jesus Ashhole. Nan or Ben [Knowing what's going on won't save you when they come kicking down your door for reading the Daily Dirt. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey, Jerky, You know, I never really followed the case of JonBenet's murder, I pretty much went with the flow as our fellow Americans have been doing since election day 2000. Anyway, I know I'm 10 years behind the eight ball here, but after hearing about Mum, I suddenly got curious regarding said details and decided to read for myself the series of events surrounding this murder and why JonBenet's parents were never convicted. Well, according to this site, they're innocent and were made to look guilty by the media and an inexperienced police force in Boulder, Co. This is news to me, I've never heard anyone utter a single word in defense of the Ramsey family until now. The page you're linking to is Chapter 17, Smit's Investigative Analysis, from this page you can hit all other chapters and I recommend Chapters 1 and 2 for the details of how this media-mind fuck festered. I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, but after reading this compelling argument, i.e., no snow on the ground, method of entry, DNA tests, (as in all issues I suppose) it quickly becomes a matter of what you choose to believe or speculate or fabricate, as in David John Oates. Hey, I know this is old shit to you, (and everybody else) but if memory serves, you did talk about this late last year and seemed to be pretty convinced that the butler and the Ramseys did it, so take a look. It's a good read, regardless of opinions and, as in my case, preconceived notions. Take care, Pal. YOPGessier [Nigga please. - Jerky] *** **** *** Your Jerky would you pliz run for me a comparison of the USA soccer team coach and the USA president. I think the fact that Bruce Arena looks like a fat Bush has got everything to do with why your soccer team got their Ass kicked at the Ongoing Soccer world cup finals in Germany. Enjoy from Dickson, Zimbabwe [Bah! They look nothing alike. And nobody here gives a shit about soccer anyway. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky, can you imagine having a 10-year woody and getting paid for it? I'm sure his ol' lady was excited about it... for the first few days... after that she probably paid him to fool around on her. G [A ten-year erection, and he's SUING them?! Man... there's no pleasing some people. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky, Take a look at this... WORDS FROM THE SLOW LANE I think this guy has something there. Yop MTR in Kissimmeem Fl. [S'possible. - Jerky]

Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: feedback@dailydirt.com